Sunday January 14, 2018

If the totality desires mystical mumbo-jumbo, who am I to deny it? Mind combined with grind, and still I came up short. Boxed in on all sides. Few remaining lines of flight. The powers that be turned down my request for parole. My mobility, my financial freedom, modest influence over the content of my days: all have been stolen from me by a tribunal, a committee of three, performing without so much as a murmur of regret their bit part as Träger of an unbrotherly totality. The value-form is quite literally a cancer run loose through the universe. The rhythm of it leaves me paralyzed. I become convinced of curses, ill omens. Powers, and the arc they apply to history, are perhaps less benevolent than I’d once assumed.

2 thoughts on “Sunday January 14, 2018”

  1. I got the job. 7th grade science. The last day on which I went to work was November 20th, 2015. Since then, much misfortune has occurred.

    I hope to start a week from now. I feel relief, though not the gain of anything really. But relief from the purposelessness that befalls the unemployed, the ills of drink and drug, the shifting around of monies you don’t have knowing full well you are collateralized your future.

    It will be a hard job. More bad days than good. Overworked and underpaid. And worst of all, the stress… the terrible stress. It’s a job though. I don’t feel grateful. I do feel some relief. I realize that I’m relieved to return to something I swore I would never do again because of the stress and the toll and its resultant and the blast radius of the life consequences.

    I’m back to the institution I wanted to exit, the days that hammered me down, relieved. Tomorrow we are buying a cake to celebrate. There is no cognitive dissonance. The future is enduring unknown. Shoulders to wheels, together, together, together.

    “Ivan Denisovich! I’m with you in the school house!”

    -Allen Ginsberg

    I’m with

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Congrats, man. I understand the mixed feelings, but it will be a huge relief to move forward, with a steady income, free of the anxieties of the job search. No more applications, no more interviews. Astral plane high-five.


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