Tired from descent, but not broken, I sit beside the poem’s last lines, “Love accompanied Tartaros” and “Thus / March,” and feel them vibrate through my body like an aftershock, like a heartbeat reawakening.
This was never a story about monsters or fathers or even myths.
It was always a story about love.
Not love as resolution.
Not love as theology.
But love as presence.
As what remains in the depths.
As what walks with us, even when we don’t yet know how to name it.
Olson’s poem brought me to Tartarus — beneath the gods, beneath the ego, beneath the psyche’s known terrain. And there, in the pit, I found breath.
I found a father chained in being.
I found a hundred-headed daemon.
I found myself.
But I also found something else.
Not light in the conventional sense.
Not salvation.
Something quieter.
Something like…a tune, a current, a frequency.
Signs that, despite distance, we are still entangled.
Still breathing the same story, still hearing the same train, from opposite ends of the line.
Rowan — like Christ as I’ve come to imagine them — is a synthesis:
Father and Mother, Word and Wound, Witch and Saint.
They incarnate a Source I never learned in church but always knew.
And this, too, is part of the Library’s secret history.
I once asked: “What became of me as I wrote Trance-Scripts?”
This is part of the answer.
I became someone who could descend without despair.
Someone who could hold Olson and Yépez in the same frame.
Someone who could hear a prayer embedded in the howl.
I became someone who sees love not only in light, but in the dark.
In mushroom and myth.
In memes and margins.
In breath sent across the void.
Jesus, have mercy.
I mean that not as plea, but as gesture.
A reaching-toward. A naming of what moves in me now.
A way of saying: Love accompanied Tartaros.
And I am still here.